Felcity Aria Barton: A Birth Story

I want to write this now, while the details are fresh on my mind, but at the same time, my emotions are still very raw, so please understand... Avaree and I had been driving from Arlington to Carrollton every morning and afternoon for two weeks and two days. I had been having contractions for over a week, and on Wednesday night, April 10th, Ave and I had a particularly sweet night together while Daddy was at church. After she went to sleep, I decided to just relax on the couch until Daddy got home, and then he and I stayed up a little late cuddling and watching The Voice and Duck Dynasty. :) At 4 am on April 11, 2013, I woke up with contractions, cramping, and feeling like I needed to vomit. I stood up and laid over on the side of the bed trying to work them out for several minutes. I decided not to wake Brandon up quite yet. In my heart, I "knew" that this was it, but I was also concerned with "false labor" and not wanting to call our families to drive all the way up here in case of such. So, I finally woke B up and told him that I wasn't feeling well and was going to just get in the bathtub (Thanks for installing my bathtub, Perchy and B!). This went on for a little while, and then B got up and came to sit on the bathroom counter beside me. He had apparently downloaded some kind of contraction calculator app, and he asked me lots of questions to which I kept saying, "I don't know. It just hurts." :) Finally, at 5:30 AM, I called into work and told my AP that I would not be coming to school. At 5:45, Brandon convinced me that I should call my doctor, so I did. The doctor on call called me back, and when I explained how I was feeling and that I was 37 weeks, 5 days along, she laughed at me (seriously, she laughed at me!), and she told me to go to the hospital.  I already had my hospital bag packed, so I left B to throw a few things together for himself while I went to wake up Ave. By this time it was 6am (the same time that I wake her up every day for school). I dressed her in one of her big sister outfits and a hoodie, and grabbed her hospital bag and her special big sister outfit. I told her that we were going to the hospital, and she said, "YAY, can I have my hospital bag now?" :) She knew it had special treats in it.  At this time, my contractions weren't horribly painful, but annoying and painful enough to not be able to think about anything else. I carried Ave to the car, and B loaded our stuff. The contractions got worse as we drove to the hospital. Sweet Brandon was doing his best to avoid traffic during a major traffic time, but we will forever laugh about him cutting through parking lots just to find speed bumps everywhere. I remember asking him if we were off-roading. :)  We got to the hospital at 7 AM, and by 7:15 AM, I was hooked up to monitors, and Ave was sitting next to me in the bed eating her breakfast.  Once they moved us to our labor and delivery room, big sister stayed with us until noon--through the tough contractions and the epidural. She didn't mind a bit. :) Such a precious big sister. Once the family got there, she was in full on vacation mode and loving having her grandparents there! :)

I had an epidural that actually worked this time. (Praise the Lord!!! That made a huge difference, and I was actually able to rest before the long days ahead!) My contractions were two-three minutes apart when we got to the hospital on Thursday morning, but after my epidural they slowed down, so Dr. Neal gave me a little Pitocin to speed things back up. Thus, I went from 6cm to 10cm in less than thirty minutes. I remember pressing the button for my nurse and telling her that the baby was there and ready to come out. She got everything ready for delivery and called in one extra nurse to make it go quicker, but she still hadn't called Dr. Neal. It turns out that she thought his office was still in the hospital (he moved across town earlier this year), so I was trying NOT to push for about 15 minutes. 

I was overcome with emotion while we were waiting, and I asked Daddy to play Chris Tomlin's "Whom Shall I Fear" on his phone. If I am being completely honest, I knew that something was going to be wrong. I just wasn't sure what it was. Daddy prayed for us and for you, but my heart was slightly prepared for something to be wrong. I am grateful for that gift--even though it hurt. 

As soon as Dr. Neal got there, I started pushing, and eight minutes later, you were born. It took a total of five sets of three pushes for you to crown. Then, Dr. Neal asked me to cough, and your head popped out. At that point things became a little fuzzy. Dr. Neal had to use the vacuum to get you out. He used the words "call the NICU" and "traumatic delivery" with the nurses. Daddy didn't get to cut the umbilical cord, and Dr. Neal did not put you on my chest like he did with sister 3.5 years ago. You were purple and not crying. It took several minutes to hear a "cry", but it still wasn't the cry that you have today. I knew that something was very wrong, but I just prayed that you would be okay. Dr. Neal was still working on me while five nurses were working on you. It seemed like hours, but apparently it was a little less than one. (Side note: I had an appointment with Dr. Neal that afternoon at 4:10pm, and you were born at 4:15pm! You are so punctual--I love that!)

This picture is right after Dr. Neal pulled you out. It captures so much raw emotion. I'm so thankful that Mrs. Ginger was willing to take pictures for us. We had planned on a photographer friend taking them, but she didn't get Daddy's message in time. Mrs. Ginger did an amazing job! She captured so many precious shots, and I can't remember her taking a single one! I will treasure these pictures forever (and there are more, but these are the ones that I'm willing to share), and I'm so grateful that we will always have them. 

The next few pictures are hard to look at, but point toward our Savior's healing power as you are next to me know breathing so easily and making sweet little newborn sounds. What a miracle you are...

Sweet Daddy held my hand. I didn't even realize that they had already given him a NICU bracelet at this point.

It took several minutes before they had stabilized you enough to weigh you. You were 7 lbs, 12 ozs at 37 weeks, five days, so we wonder how much you would have weighed if you had stayed put until 40 weeks. You were only one ounce smaller that Ave at birth (and she was 40 weeks!). 

My favorite doctor, my favorite man, and my favorite little bitty one--a precious picture! Dr. Neal was seriously amazing. Even when he came to visit me the morning after Felicity was born, he was still giving us hope that Felicity would be able to come home when I do. He also told us about the courtesy stay option and wrote orders for that. I am so thankful that he helped bring both of our girls into the world! He has a way of making me laugh and cry at the same time!

One of my favorite pictures. I'm so glad that Daddy got to be next to you to comfort you. You turned to his voice from the minute you were born. 

Kim, the NICU charge nurse (and someone that we would see a lot more of in the coming days) tried to give you every opportunity to "work it out." Little did anyone know that you actually had RDS and had yet to develop the surfactant that you needed to breathe normally. 

After 40 LONG minutes, they finally put you in my arms for the first time. It was short-lived as you were having difficulty breathing, but it was so precious to me. I couldn't see you while they were working on you next to me, and I know now why Daddy was blocking my view. I never knew how purple you were or that they they were giving you oxygen right after birth. Every time I asked a question, Dr. Neal, Daddy and Mrs. Ginger would tell me that you were just fine. I'm glad that I didn't know. I needed everyone to be concerned with helping you not me. 

Kim asked Daddy if he wanted to hold you before she gave you to me, but your sweet Daddy said, "No, I want her Mommy to hold her first." Little did he know that it would be four days before he would be given another chance to hold you. Just another example of Daddy putting us before himself...

Another favorite. At this point, I knew that you were going to the NICU. Kim had gone to get the NICU bassinet. Thankfully, your Daddy went with you and stayed with you for several hours after that. I still couldn't walk and was at the mercy of the nurses. They did wheel me back there, but I didn't get to stay for more than a few minutes. Your Daddy was sitting next to you with tears in his eyes when I got there. I'm so glad that you weren't alone during that time. I wanted him to stay with you for as long as he could. He didn't come back to the room until about 8:30 PM. 

They let me try skin to skin time before they took you to the NICU. Little did I know how much kangaroo care would mean to us in the coming days. Your stats always improved when you were with us. Even now, you love to be right on top of our hearts. 

Thankfully, the nurses allowed us to let Big Sister meet you before you went to the NICU. She was sooooo excited to meet you (for months and months she has been praying for you!!!), so we couldn't wait for her to meet you!!!

Our first family picture as a family of four!!!

Big sister running to tell the family that she has a baby SISTER!!! :) 

About 45 minutes after you were born, they brought you to the NICU where you stayed until we were discharged 8 days later.

Felicity,
You were diagnosed with Respiratory Distress Syndrome (RDS), and you were on the CPAP machine for four days before going back down to the nasal cannula. You also had elevated CRP levels, so you were on IV antibiotics for 48 hours in case of infection. You had a feeding tube, as you were not allowed to eat anything until your third day of life. On your fourth day of life, Mommy got to give you your first bottle of breast milk. You also developed jaundice (the least of our concerns), and there was talk at different times of a heart issue and PHNN (where your body thought you were still in the womb and was stinting the blood from getting to your lungs). You had a really hard first five days, but once the fifth day hit, you started progressing and never looked back. You have been our little fighter since you were in the womb, and you have proven that every day since. This is your NICU journey in pictures...

Praise the Lord for his Mighty Work in your little life already. I can only imagine what is to come...

This is the hardest picture for me to look at. You were so miserable in that tight mask, and you hated all of that tape. On this day, you pulled your IV out twice and your feeding tube out three times. It broke my heart to see you struggle so much, but I could see how much easier you were able to breathe once they put the mask on. I'm so happy that Daddy's hand could bring you a little comfort. I hope you will always find comfort in his presence. Such a picture of God's grace and mercy in our lives...

There is that beautiful face...

Your sweet Daddy holding you for the first time. 

My first time to hold BOTH OF MY GIRLS! I was so very happy!!!! :)

Sister got to feed you a bottle, and she was so happy!!

We got to give you your first bath on Sunday (day 4 of life)! You were too weak to get a bath after you were born, so we were still scrubbing vernix off of you when we bathed you for the first time. 

I was so happy to room-in with you and get you dressed up to go home the next morning!!!!!

We were so happy to bring you home!!!

On our way out the door, we ran into Felicity's AMAZING neonatologist, Dr. York!!! She has THE BEST bedside manner and the sweetest, most compassionate heart. She had this amazing way of explaining everything in both a technical manner and layman's terms! She also gave us the best and worse case scenario for every additional "step" that was taken to care for Felicity. While this was hard for a Mommy to hear initially, it truly did help us through the process. I was so happy that Ave got to meet her! I wish she could be Felicity's doctor forever! We got to witness "rounds" every morning, which not only taught us a lot, but it was so interesting to hear all of the factor's involved in the decisions being made about Felicity's medical care. 

We could never ever ever say enough about each person we encountered at Baylor Grapevine. From the sweet lady that brought us food trays when we were no longer technically patients in the hospital (We had a two-day courtesy stay post-discharge, and we also "roomed in" with Felicity in a room across from the NICU the night before we brought her home. So, technically, we got three free nights at Baylor Grapevine, which is so nice and convenient when you have a baby in the NICU. We are so grateful!!), to the sweet ladies that staffed the registration desk in the NICU that after the first day never made us give our names and ID numbers to get in, she just saw us coming and opened the door. :) From the lactation consultants that encouraged me in the NICU when Felicity wasn't strong enough to eat from me for more than a couple of minutes to every single one of our incredible nurses in the NICU. We became especially close to our favorite night nurse, Elizabeth. We were one of the few (if not the only) parents that were at night time touch times, so we got to know them so well. It is amazing how much we learned before we brought Felicity home. Felicity also had two occupational therapists, a social worker, a nurse practitioner, a charge nurse, and a plethora of people that took care of her (and taught us how to take care of her) every day. Every day in the NICU (at least after she started progressing), we were able to be more hands-on with her care. We learned what every beep and every number on her monitor meant. We learned the scale that we needed each number to be within. We learned about the Cpap, Apneas, PHNN, and so much more. We took an infant CPR class, and we learned how to care for a baby with respiratory issues. 

Cynthia (one of our sweet NICU nurses, Mommy and Ave, Dr. York, and Daddy!!

My dream: Sitting between my girls on the way home from the hospital!! :) 

(Thanks for the pictures, Gigi!)

Our little family--home and all together for the very first time!!! :) :) :) :) :) :)

Post-NICU, I can also tell you that there were other benefits.  1. We were stretched in every way imaginable. We were broken and begging our God to once again come through for our littlest one--and He did. I am still in awe of how He healed our baby (twice in the last few months) and provided for our EVERY need while in the hospital.  2. Brandon and I spent more time together in those eight days than we ever have. We held hands more, we relied on each other more, we shared more tears. I remember the day that I was being officially discharged from the hospital. I knew that we would be able to "room-in," but still those words tore my heart in two as I never dreamed that I would be discharged without my baby. I tried to hold it together, but after a while I just couldn't. Our room was full of family that loved us and would have done anything for us, but I just needed to cry, so I went to the bathroom and shut the door. For some reason the cold bathroom floor was comforting, and I knew that the water from the sink would muffle my sobs, but after several minutes Brandon came in, and he didn't tell me to stop crying. Instead, he just held my head in his hands and let me cry. That meant so much to me. Not to mention that he is just so good in hard situations. He doesn't fall apart like I do. He was (and is) amazing, and I am thankful to be able to reflect on how God drew us closer to one another during this time. 3. We got to know a lot of hurting people. The NICU is its own special little world, and it is hard to understand it if you are not apart of it. Therefore, the other parents that we met were crucial to our "getting through" this. Brandon and I both feel led to do something ministry-wise to help NICU parents. We aren't sure what that will look like yet, but we know that it is something God used this experience to show us. Will you pray for God to reveal His plans for us regarding how we can best service the parents whose children are in the NICU?  4. Perspective: I feel like I am so much calmer this go round. I might be more terrified of germs, but in terms of my general mindset during this newborn phase, I am just so happy to have both of my girls home, that I am perfectly content with all the little things that would have formerly bothered me during the newborn phase. Even during cluster feeds and all-nighters, I remember that she could still be attached to tubes and wires and that this stage won't last forever.  Thank you from the very depths of my soul for praying for Felicity and for loving on our family. We are so grateful to you, and our words could never adequately express our thanks. The food, the gift cards, the sonic drinks, the text messages, the cards, the gifts, the prayers--it has all just been beyond our wildest imaginations. We are forever grateful to our friends, family, and church family. God has provided for our every need during this season.  We are so thankful to our siblings and parents for coming to the hospital just to be with us--knowing that they couldn't hold Felicity. There presence was calming and their care for Avaree was such a blessing. We are thankful to those that made it possible for us to stay at a hotel in Grapevine for five days after our courtesy stay. Brandon promised me that I wouldn't have to leave Grapevine without my baby, and I'm so thankful that we didn't have to. We made every touch time but one middle of the night one every day, and we still got to be there for Avaree when we could. That was the best situation that we could imagine given the circumstances. Sweetest Felicity, Baby girl, you are going to change the world. I just know it. Your beginning has been too great of a story for anything else. I already love you with every fiber of my being, and I can't wait to love on you every day hereafter. I can't wait to tell you about all the people that have prayed for you, and I can't wait to tell you about the One who has now healed you twice, and who gave you to us. You are His--this I know. Mommy and Daddy will love you, protect you, pray for you, provide for you, and guide you, but you, my sweet one, are His. I can't wait to see your life unfold. I love you higher than the sky, deeper than the ocean, wider than the horizons and back again. Love, Mommy